Cafeteria drinks tier list


Courtesy of Anoushka Kanitkar

If you’ve ever bought something from the school cafeteria, there is no doubt that you’ve seen the fridge full of drinks, ranging from water to fizzy fruit flavored beverages. But are all of these really that good? I’m here to tell you what I think, and I’m sure many students will agree.

First of all, we’ll start from the topmost tier. Obviously, water deserves a spot at the top. I’m sure many will agree with me on this, given that water is a basic need to survive and is refreshing and hydrating, especially when it’s cold. Along with water on the top tier is the Cherry-Lime flavored ICE. This one might be controversial, but personally I believe that this flavor is the only ICE that deserves a spot on the upper half of the list at all- but we’ll get to that later. Cherry-Lime is the perfect balance of citrus and fruit without having the flavor of a full bottle of kids Tylenol. 

On the second tier down, we have drinks I did not necessarily dislike, but also would not repurchase. First and foremost on this list, we have the lemon flavored Propel drink. Now this drink tasted fine, but it also tasted like a Gatorade with all the happiness taken out. If it had been fizzy or even a little more flavor and a little less electrolyte, maybe I would have enjoyed it more. In a similar boat is the orange tangerine Switch energy drink. This one was ok, just bland and mildly nauseating after drinking more than half the can. Finally, we have the lime LaCroix. This one was ok as well, not too bad but not great, which seems to be the general idea when it comes to LaCroix. 

The third tier is appropriately called “Questionable Taste,” because I am most definitely judging your taste if I see you drinking this. Now, the strawberry watermelon takes first spot on this tier, which some people might find offensive. However, I think this drink tastes like a jar of jelly beans exploded into your mouth. I hate jelly beans. Moving on, the kiwi-strawberry Propel takes the next spot. This one has similar reasoning to the ICE, and it’s just overall unpleasant. Finally, we have the razz-cranberry LaCroix. I’m a little hypocritical for putting this on this tier, because when I bought it the other day, I ended up drinking the whole can just because I couldn’t stop. Regardless, it was kind of disgusting. 

On tier four, we have chocolate milk up first. Hear me out. My reasoning for this one is that one, who actually enjoys drinking milk? And two, chocolate milk is better than usual milk, which is why it’s a tier up from the bottom. I will not be explaining myself further. Next, I’ll be lumping the last few into one group. Kiwi strawberry ICE, berry Propel, berry LaCroix, and fruit punch Switch. These five are all berry-oriented drinks, and I really hate artificial berry flavors. I think that should speak for itself. 

On the final tier are my least favorite drinks. Leading the charge is, drumroll please, normal milk. I hate milk. Milk is like water with an aftertaste. Some call it cow pee, but I think it’s even worse, and that we as human beings should not be drinking and enjoying cow milk. However, that is besides the point. To sum it up, I really don’t like milk. Second on the tier is the blackberry ICE. People who genuinely enjoy drinking this must really love having the flu and being force-fed Tylenol to fend off the fever! It tastes like medication you would have to physically force someone to take at a hospital. Next: grape Propel. Who actually enjoys grape flavored things? Grape is a clearly inferior flavor, and to be honest, I’m not sure why it exists. Finally on the tier list, we have kiwi strawberry Switch. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory, given that I’ve reviewed at least 10 other kiwi strawberry drinks throughout the course of this article. 

All in all, the cafeteria drinks range from ok to bad to horrible. In my opinion, this tier list sums them up pretty well. Feel free to use this article next time you plan on buying a drink from our cafeteria.